Toska

"Toska - noun /’tō-skə/ - Russian word roughly translated as sadness, melancholia, lugubriousness.

No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom."

Vladimir Nabokov, cited in A Field Guide to Melancholy by Jacky Bowring

the aftermath of me and you

I suddenly remember your face

From the night you first kissed me

Kissing & smiling alternately

Holding my hand, curling into a ball, wrapping yourself around it

Nailing me to the bed, pouring your kisses on my lips & my neck

Playing my curves like a guitar,

& spinning the world around me

Between resting & waking dreams

So close to me you breath in my exhale.

Its not just the small piece of rhythmic flesh

This heart that beats,

slow & fast, to the symphony of our love making

Its our souls intertwined, drunk & hungry

Just

flesh and bone

blood and hair

nerves and sweat

now all stripped bare

a heaving, gasping, tangled mass

Of love and lust and rage and greed

of want and lack and take and need

the wet and hot and cold and true

the aftermath of me and you