Expectations

When you have lots of friends, it becomes difficult to manage relationships.

You will have no idea for days that a certain friend is upset with you till you figure out that every past conversation with him/her had been a monologue off late. You wonder where you went wrong because apparently your friend is reticent over the issue.
He/she assumes that "the reason" is the second most obvious thing in the world after the no.1 i-am-angry-with-you.
:) fyi, nothing's obvious on planet. Not even the idea that you're alive.
You may be Bruce Willis from the Sixth Sense.

And the reasons baffle you. You had simply missed to do that “one thing” expected from you. But you also fail to understand why people would “ absolutely hate” you for a simple mistake that you’re of course allowed to commit because you’re a human being and not God. You did a hundred things to see them smile and it took just one miss to be hated.

And what if you’re already too hurt to say a sorry?

Maybe you will just hang on and wait for things to get better on their own.

of being a Gemini

It finally stopped raining after 36 hrs. Of course thats because we are living in tropical rain forests where it rains shamelessly. Nothing else can explain this. Life’s been very odd this semester. It’s a struggle I’ve been putting up because that’s the only option I’ve been given. How do you show a happy face when at least 5 things have already completely absorbed and maddened you bordering to the limits of schizophrenia? How do we wear our smiles with our mouths wired shut?

I know crazy when I see it. It’s in the mirror these days. Although I am immensely thankful to be reminded of the many times that life hands me choices and then steps back. Somehow I screw up things completely every time mindfulness is a pain in the ass. And since I’d be dead if I don’t make it up, I put on my Superwoman cape and, amazingly get it all done.

Meanwhile, I’m lying to save my ass. I pretend everything’s just fine. I am at my happy best when I’m handling the troubles alone. It really works. Lie like a dog in such situations, and you are actually being virtuous. Or, less trivially, when the Gestapo comes by and asks if you have any people hidden in your attic, you say No! Lying can be a good thing.

The 12 day mid-sem holidays are about to end. I have been up to lots of mischief lately and hence the going will get tougher. The design classes are one thing all of us have started dreading. Hehe. Its panic time again. Like a girl/boy struggles with the teenage part of the life, we are struggling with this 5^th semester that would shape us into architects we want/ don’t want to become. We don’t eat, we don’t sleep, we fight, we overthink, underthink and do crazy things like getting up at 6:30 am on Saturday mornings to clean the room and wash clothes, watch lots of Scrubs, sweep the room floor 5 times a day, think of ooga boogas and maintain a binge chart when we eat like pigs until someone tells darling, your head’s not right.

Oh, I need an empire to overthrow!!

Someone turn me around. Can I start this all over again?

aww

Bhondu and Donkey after the annual bath.
muaah.

daddu

Chatting with Daddu is a rollercoaster now that he is in a different world. Its like two people on either side of a local train window, though I’m not sure who’s which side. Answering “ssups” and “kaisi hai parpotiye” for a while and suddenly the train starts to move. We run to maintain proximity and he tells me to enjoy my life, good food and my stay in kgp.

And then we realize the train’s slowing down for the next station. So we get back to “aur bata kgp mein sab badhiya hai na”, “hows the dep and profs” and “kaash aap convo mein aa paate”, “bhak sala”(s), “teri cycle kaisi hai ? mast na”.

Speed again.

Another round of “khush rehna bachchi” and “load na le”.

Next station. Train stops.

“kuch aur bata yaar”, “baarish ho rahi hainaa kgp mein” ( like hell ! :D ), “blogs likhte reh”, “aur haaan koi pasand aa jaaye to sankoch mat karna”.

Speed.

And for just one more time “pyar se rehna , kabhi mat jhagadnaa” “kgp ka mazaa le lo”.

He wants to relive his 5 yrs of kgp in those 20 minutes through me. He even tells me the secrets of pleasure that he himself must have taken 3-4 yrs to find out while he was here.

Yes I will enjoy the rains here.

And when it gets a little chilly in the first week of November, I will go to Chillies in the morning and have juice, bread and butter.

Oh and he writes beautifully, esp. for her :)

What do you find in an old box of belongings?

Stuff you need for survival.

Books, notes, Xerox, old diaries, gift ribbons, a scroll where your senior had written a beautiful poem for you, cassettes of gulzar and burman that you loved in your 1^st yr before you knew dc, an untouched box of nutties, some 20 toffees you earned with prompt answers in the hall farewell, a zonasa 2005 prize memento, whole lotta medicines that you loved to skip, the two hearts you bought for your best friend for her birthday but never mailed, a Revlon eye liner you never used, an uneaten cookie, an empty bottle of a deo that reminds you of your sister and your holidays in IITK a few years back, a cd player, some shiny structures you had saved as a souvenir from a building model, Alankaar 2006, a five star you bought but never gave, an album of 1^st yr memories , some glitter you used in the zonasa 2005 culturals and a box of crayons you had once used to make sorry cards.

Addendum, I took all of them out carefully and then rehashed the whole box.

I’m not sure if I don’t want them anymore.

I am sorry Dad.

How can I be so dull and retarded! Something’s seriously wrong with me.

I knew you were in Hyd and I knew there were bomb blasts in the city.

And I couldn’t link the two informations. For 2 darned days!

Mom had to actually explain the obvious stuff on phone.

I am not myself these days.

Blah

That is pretty much how I usually felt. Blah.
and occasionally went through bored and un-motivated patches.

Umm ..never mind – Anonymous

And I was enlightened.
Accept it willingly before life makes you do that. Savvy ?
This and the archi mantra “Cantilevered ho jao” works wonders.
Tatadaa.I am shockproof! (Well almost: D)
In your face, life ! :)
Its quite relaxing when I am living each moment
and not worrying about my past, present or future.
I am a happier soul.
Here are a few things that happened recently-

1. IITK banned Orkut. 2/10
It also blocked hundreds of websites that allow anonymous access.
There you go!
I switched to Power(s)crap. How did the dudes miss this ! :P

2. Some darned rascallion hacked my yahoo account. 5/10
Got your kick?!!
To quote a senior "abey tera account koi kyun hack karega ?"
Exactly !
I am just sorry that all the mails that my friends wrote
and that were meant only for my reading are now exposed
to a 3rd person.
But then again, its not the worst and I am not totally unhappy!
:D (Till Gmail also gets hacked ! hehewehe)
Anyways, the hacking stuff won't sink in unless I receive a
muhahaha-i-hacked-your-account mail.

3. Treated to a DIE HARD 4 show by my school friend Abhinav.
Loved it !! Whats good ,We argued and fought the least this time
and majorly discussed crap.
7.5/10

4. While watching tv at home , my 8 yr. old young cousin quipped
that a certain movie preview was infact a "Blue Scene". :D
8/10
Now since I am the cat that I am , I inquired how he decided a
particular scene is blue and what were his primary resources
aka bibliography.
There you go!
Turns out some friend had shown him certain pics he had saved (!!)
on his computer. And according to him, if a girl reveals her skin
some 5 cms above knee, thats a blue scene.
Whoops! :D

5. My project report is still incomplete and I am losing time.
Some other self assigned tasks also require my efforts.
9/10

6. Went shopping with Mom. Searched every corner of Globus,
W, Kohli, Purple Pine and zilch.
Westside is good-for-nothing-fit-to-be-bombed.
Thankfully, East End Mall has a few sports gear shops that come
to my rescue. Finally picked up 2 black tshirts
(yup black again! now 13 of them!)
6/10
Infact, I was even wearing black that time.
Some forwarded email said people who wear black are the
ones who don't want to be noticed.
oo ! :)

7. Met a class 1 friend on Orkut. Its amazing both of us remember
each other and our lives back then quite well. 8/10

8. The pleasures of DC++
Watched Amelie , Love me if you dare, What’s eating Gilbert
Grape, Motorcycle Diaries, Bomarillu, Family Guy, Heroes,
Scrubs, South Park & Kyle XY .Also learnt a telugu song.
Not just that, I even saw a few episodes of Bewitched,
Dekh Bhai Dekh and Hip Hip Hurray.
8/10
Mona, Mazhar, Alisha, John, Cyrus, Mehul, Meera, Piya, Raaghav,
Prishita, Samantha, D’Noblee High, White Hall, Vinni Sir and
Alka Ma'am. It all came back rushing in those 20 minutes.

9. Walked around the IIT campus with my 10 kilo bag searching
for a darn (working) atm for 50 mins. and I realized once again,
I am the dude!! 8) :D
8/10

10. Met this 40 something old Uncle on my way back to Kanpur.
Though I love talking , but a stranger's usually an absolute NoNo.
He inquired about my name, college bla bla. Frankly I give a damn.
But just kept talking out of respect for his age. And this gentleman
actually tried to kiss my hand. 5/10
I am surprised I was neither shocked nor angry. I simply pulled my
hand away and looked in the other direction in disappointment.

What deserves a mention is an intersexed (hermaphrodite) person
sitting in the front seat who helped me with a certain route related
query. She talked with an elegance and manner that beats any
educated person.
And to say , this pervert had actually shifted from her seat to the
one beside mine to declare that he was disgusted with her presence.
Who's a pariah anyways?
Do hell with theories. Period.

11. Watched a Hindi play here in IITK.
It was staged by the Dram Club under the guidance of a teacher
from the National School of Drama and some alumni. "Kanjoos" is
a hindi adaptation of a French play and I loved it for its humor.
7/10

12. My Prof calls me Bhanumati part 2. His student , Riddhi
who graduated this summer was the original Bhanumati .
He misses her. I help him with his computer related troubles,
filling in her shoes for a few more days. But the bond we have
developed is amazing. He even treated me at the Insti Canteen
on my birthday. We talk a lot. And he tells me about interesting
people like Rev. Jessie Jackson , Architect Kanvinde, Asterix,
Nicolas Notovitch and many more. 10/10

The most interesting talk was about his life in the 70s in USA
when he was completing his masters in Fine Arts.
Back then, He was a hippie. Long hair, ponytail, black headband and
clothes covered in paint from his mural works on roadsides with the
black youth. Close to Rev. Jessie Jackson, he was followed by the FBI
for a yr and was indirectly told to leave the land for good. He came
back to India. This when Time Magazine had already published
an article and CBS had aired a documentary of his design works.

I am proud of him and am sure once I leave Kanpur,
I am going to miss him more than he ever will.

13. I have an affair!! With Thirteen.
I see it at least twice everyday. Its been months now.
Its just pops up every now and then and I mostly consider it lucky.
Do you come across it even once every two days?
or is it just me ?

My Prof maintains that I shouldn’t be allowed to talk.
He says I am wired to eat ears. :D
Now since I can’t find a bakra/bakri for my bakar,
for the most part, I talk to a tree if I have to do so...
I have started enjoying it on a normal basis.

I know scapegoat, Yay! :D

My Gulmohar

Here's a haiku i wrote for my seniors. The class of 2007.
with love.

we played
all midsummer games,
soiled and bruised

on the floors
rolling with laughter
and dancing blue.

Life calls.
hush, shush.she mustn't know.
quick,hide.

everything turns yellow.
groping still. i seek.
I spy.

and you became stars
i looked in awe.
a proud kid.

i loved you guys
o archade.love you still.
like gulmohar.

kgp will miss you.

Just Like That !

"Fresh and juicy, what a beauty, Mango Frooti."

When I was a kid, Come summer, I used to drink frooti all the time.
For birthdays, Dad would buy us that large green packet full of Frooti
It brings a flood of memories back to me.
After we finished our Frooti, we would inflate the packet and jump
on it with all our little mights.

BLAST

Here’s a sample of what remained.

“Mango frooti,fresh and juicy” followed by a lip-smacking “Ah!”

Parle introduced the Tetrapak juice.
It was like an alien spacecraft back in 1985.
What makes a Frooti sail smoothly despite the shelf being stormed
by the giant name bottles?

Have a look at the Pennaach's commercial for this delicious drink.
This is what girls do when they're thirsty.
Get your own juice box!

All you know is wrong.
You have been lied to your entire life. There are no other Mango drinks.
Other liquids claiming to be Mango-like are lying.
They are apostates from the true way of Frooti.
A true Frooti lover wouldn’t trade it or compromise
with any other substitute.
Yeah right. No I don’t want Real, Slice, Maaza or Mango Sip instead.
Frooti is the uber-mango. Frooti is all.
There will be a reckoning. Look here. Observe genius.

A survey created by Frooti’s manufacturer found that
all tetrapak products were viewed by the public as children’s
products.To address a wider audience, the ’’Digen Verma’’ campaign
was started . Here take a look.

There's also the apna bhodu-apna hero "bindaas" commercial
aimed at the college crowd.

You see, 15 years later and I'm still going bonker bonks for it .
till the last drop.
You can watch my face go all eight directions when I indulge
in the mysteriously captivating flavour of this ambrosia.
A visit to the tech market means a Frooti from Bimla Sweets.

What comes to your mind when you see these-

BACK OFF SUCKER !!

BLASPHEMY !!!!

I relive my childhood when that chilly mango taste
rushes down the throat.

Here, some haiku I wrote while occupied:

Frooti.Mine.Silence
Ambrosia , bonne bouche.Indulge
when fire flies.

Flushed and pouting
Emerald velvet beckons
Nature is jealous

Blushing splash, tickles
your tongue, sticky, double O.
two mangoes entwined

Oii buy me
just one more, pray
I have sinned.

Conclusion: Buy Frooti, drink nothing but Frooti,
eat only things which compliment Frooti,
which is everything good and decent in this world.
Return to the Frooti. Frooti will always comfort you, forgive you.

You may call me insane. Prophets are never recognised.

Summer

Its interesting how a speeding semester comes to an awkward
quietus in April . The disquiet brouhaha fades .
Summers are silent .
And deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.
I very much feel that lull growing around and all over me
while the scorching heat roasts everything under the sun.

There is a certain genre of music that pleases my soul
in times as these.
On weekends, I love lying in my bed, zonked and comatosed,
listening to music.
Such a stoned and wasted feeling comes along with such a weather .
Like the red underwear that come with the superman pajamas.
Occasionally , a squirrel from the garden would come and rest on
the window while I would just watch it frisk and totter, instead of
my otherwise attitude of scaring away all that is cute
and beautiful around me .

I spent my last summers listening to Goo Goo dolls.
This summer is dedicated to the spare haunting music of Mazzy Star,
particulary “Into Dust” ,“Fade into you” and “Flowers in December”.

The voice of Hope Sandoval touches my soul.
She sings through silence ,
a perfect laconic vocal delivery warped with
drawn-out crescendos of reverbed and distorted guitar.

Mazzy Star updated the post punk psychedelia for the 1990s
without sounding dated. The music is very much influenced by
R.E.M., The Velvet Underground, Jimi Hendrix and the likes .

But still finds its own subtle sublime quintessence ,
that may not please the fans of The Jefferson Plane or The Grateful Dead .


Funny it makes me feel ennui and think obtuse .
I hope I don’t screw up my internship project.
But as they say "The bigger the summer vacation the harder the fall".
Hence shamelessly spoiling myself before I go back to my world.