of being a Gemini

It finally stopped raining after 36 hrs. Of course thats because we are living in tropical rain forests where it rains shamelessly. Nothing else can explain this. Life’s been very odd this semester. It’s a struggle I’ve been putting up because that’s the only option I’ve been given. How do you show a happy face when at least 5 things have already completely absorbed and maddened you bordering to the limits of schizophrenia? How do we wear our smiles with our mouths wired shut?

I know crazy when I see it. It’s in the mirror these days. Although I am immensely thankful to be reminded of the many times that life hands me choices and then steps back. Somehow I screw up things completely every time mindfulness is a pain in the ass. And since I’d be dead if I don’t make it up, I put on my Superwoman cape and, amazingly get it all done.

Meanwhile, I’m lying to save my ass. I pretend everything’s just fine. I am at my happy best when I’m handling the troubles alone. It really works. Lie like a dog in such situations, and you are actually being virtuous. Or, less trivially, when the Gestapo comes by and asks if you have any people hidden in your attic, you say No! Lying can be a good thing.

The 12 day mid-sem holidays are about to end. I have been up to lots of mischief lately and hence the going will get tougher. The design classes are one thing all of us have started dreading. Hehe. Its panic time again. Like a girl/boy struggles with the teenage part of the life, we are struggling with this 5^th semester that would shape us into architects we want/ don’t want to become. We don’t eat, we don’t sleep, we fight, we overthink, underthink and do crazy things like getting up at 6:30 am on Saturday mornings to clean the room and wash clothes, watch lots of Scrubs, sweep the room floor 5 times a day, think of ooga boogas and maintain a binge chart when we eat like pigs until someone tells darling, your head’s not right.

Oh, I need an empire to overthrow!!

Someone turn me around. Can I start this all over again?